The Dark Side of Hope and how Psychometrics can help

When does the mantra “you can be anything you want” stop being helpful?

Consider Michelle Obama’s statement on International Women’s Day 2024

“Women and girls can do whatever they want. There is no limit to what we as women can accomplish.”

This message is generous, well-intentioned, and deeply familiar. In L&D we repeat versions of it all the time: follow your heart, live your dream, become who you want to be. Our work is about growth, after all. But there’s a problem – a dark side.

What is the dark side?

We hear endless stories of people who dreamed big and made it. What we don’t hear about are the vastly greater numbers who didn’t. When dreams don’t materialise, the implicit message can be brutal: you didn’t want it enough, you didn’t try hard enough, you weren’t good enough. This is where hope quietly turns into blame. The issue isn’t dreaming. It’s failing to help people distinguish between:

• What they wish for – what I’d love to be

• What they really want – what I’m genuinely willing and able to work towards

I separate the wish from the want like this. I may wish to be an Olympian. But do I really want the years of pain, sacrifice and risk? And am I realistic about my capability? Helping people answer those questions is not discouraging - it’s developmental. But many development tools fall short because they look backwards rather than forwards.

Does psychology and most psychometrics focus on the past?

There is an intrinsic bias towards explaining the present by referring to the past. Both Freud and the Behaviourists are rooted in the “rear-view mirror” approach to explanation. Psychometrics, with its emphasis on measurement, consistency and reliability, is more comfortable with a static view of personality - which is then reinforced by outdated ideas about fixed traits and genetics. But the reality is that psychometric questionnaires are self-reports.

They don’t measure who we are so much as the story we currently tell about ourselves. That’s not a flaw - it’s an opportunity. If we adopt the view of questionnaires articulating a person’s narrative, then it is far easier to see how people’s narratives can and do change. Hence development becomes a process of helping people to tell their story – and to consider updating their story.

Focus on the future to help people transform their autobiographical narrative. Psychometrics can be powerful if they are used as a starting point rather than a verdict. Used well, they help people surface:

• their current self-view,

• their aspirations,

• and the gaps and tensions between the two.

This is where Type Mapping comes in because it turns insight into development. It provides a structured methodology for both personal and team development by separating three things that often get confused: who I am, what I do, and what is needed in a given context. It does this through three complementary tools:

1. MTRi - How I behave in context

Explores how people show up in different situations, revealing behavioural range and flexibility. This is particularly powerful for understanding team roles and collaboration.

2. ITPQ - What behaviour is needed here

Identifies the behaviours that would be most effective in a specific context. Comparing this with MTRi highlights clear, actionable development gaps - not abstract traits, but what to do differently.

3. TDI - Who I am and who I want to become

Distinguishes between current self-perception and ideal self. Over 70% of people report a difference, making their internal dialogue about aspiration explicit - and workable.

This matters because it helps people:

•      stop mistaking wishes for wants,

•      separate identity from role,

•      and make conscious behavioural choices rather than defaulting to habit.

For teams, it creates a shared language for understanding contribution, flexibility and development - without labelling or limiting people. In short, it doesn’t kill the dream. Instead, it turns vague hope into realistic, motivating aspiration - and that’s where development actually happens.